CrazyPerfect
by heartdiana
Summary: Bella loves her perfect, content life. She loves her boyfriend, her life, and looking forward to her future. When life unravels before her, she takes change in her life, no longer wanting to be perfect. She changes with the help of elusive Edward. AH OOC
1. Chapter 1: Content

**A/N: So this is a new story I've had the sudden urge to write, I hope you all are intrigued by it and let me know what you think?**

Crazy/Perfect

Ch. 1: Content

Sitting on the couch watching the end of _Sixteen Candles_, I desperately wanted my own Jake Ryan. Tomorrow was the first day back to school after Christmas break, officially six months until my class graduates from high school. I'm waiting to see if I got any early acceptance letters, while maintaining my 4.0 GPA and doing my various school activities. I was president of the French Club, Science Club, editor of the school newspaper, in PALS, and organized both a book club, and a mentoring program for the school. All in all, I was busy but to go to any decent school with a scholarship, I needed to do this. My dad doesn't make enough money to pay tuition, and I really don't want to take out a bunch of loans. I still didn't know what wanted to do yet, a writer or journalist, teacher, biochemist, or interpreter (in French). I guess if I had the money I would travel around the world, living city to city while doing freelance writing. That would be ideal, but again, I don't have the money.

I stretched out my arms after the credits started to roll and dragged my butt upstairs to go to bed. I didn't necessarily live a boring life, just not one of normal teenagers. Most teenagers at my school were at Tyler Crowley's party as a way of saying goodbye to our last Christmas break ever. They seriously had a party for everything, first day of the last Christmas break ever, last Thanksgiving holiday in high school, last Columbus day in high school, last first Monday of the school year in high school. Seriously, party for everything. They couldn't just say let's have a party to party, they actually needed an excuse for getting wasted every night. Just to be funny, sometimes I would tip my dad off where the party was that weekend, but only so seldom that they never accused me of anything. _Suckers_.

After washing my face and changing into my pajamas, I climbed into bed and let sleep over take me.

…

First period was boring, as was second period, but by third period I was awake more, and it may have something to do with it being my favorite class, World Lit. We were currently reading _The Brothers Karamazov_ by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I finished the book during break, before it was assigned because I was bored, but now I'm even more bored listening to Melanie Austin trying to read the Russian brilliance. I tried to read my copy of _Black Spring_ by Miller, but her overly girly voice was driving me up the walls. Why do girls pretend to talk like Minnie Mouse to be sexy, it's not.

By lunch, I was exhausted. I sat at my table, waiting for my boyfriend Jake to come in, looking at half the class that had hangovers. There were many cliques at my school. There was my table, where the people still partied, but were good kids nonetheless. Angela, Ben, Mike, Eric, and Jessica sat at my table, along with Jake and myself. Jessica thought herself to be the leader of our friends', but she was more of a follower. She desperately wants to be part of the "popular" crowd, which included Lauren Mallory, Tyler Crowley, Vincent March, James Heller, Victoria Iris, and Tanya Denali. They were all jocks or cheerleaders and even though out football and baseball team sucked, they somehow were most popular. You then had the druggies, Kate Denali (Tanya's twin sister, poor girl got the lesser half of the looks), Irina Wagner, Laurent Robinson, and some other people I don't know. They were burnouts, and only Kate was worth talking to because she liked to do drugs to expand her mind. It made for interesting conversation. As for me, I have never had an ounce of alcohol or any kind of drug, not even a contact high from weed.

Other cliques included nerds, antisocial, random people, wannabe thugs, and the band/ choir people. Only one other clique was different from the rest, the Cullen/Hale clique. It consisted of the three cousins and one set of twins who isolated themselves from everybody else. The two of the three cousins, Emmett and Alice were dating the twins, Rosalie and Jasper. The last cousin, Edward, didn't date anybody from the school and had only hooked up with Tanya. Everybody knew this because she bragged to everybody that she was the only girl in school to bag Edward Cullen. This was last year and I heard some seniors asked him what she was like and why her, he simply said, "I was too high to notice the who and it wasn't memorable in the least." It was the buzz in school for three months and she was humiliated. Maybe she shouldn't open her mouth then. Many rumors went around about the clique, that they did massive orgies, which is disgusting because that would mean incest, or that they go to Seattle every weekend and party like rappers in Vegas, or that they are all so far into drugs and the good life (they all are ridiculously rich) that they really either die of an overdose or go to jail for hard time. I doubt any of that shit is true.

I know everything about these cliques because of the ever faithful Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton, the biggest gossips I know. I personally don't care less about anybody in the school, I just want to do my time, be a good kid, and get out of here.

I spot Jake getting a pizza and a smile crosses my face. I have been with Jake for two years now, he was a year younger and sometimes I got shit, but I didn't care. I loved him and he loved me. He was a good kid too, always did the right thing, very gentlemen like, and polite and courteous to everyone. We were known as the goody two shoes couple, but we didn't care, we were just us. He wanted to own a car dealership and have a stable future in Forks or the Port Angeles area. I wanted stability too, just wasn't that sure about the area. We both wanted a girl and a boy, a nice three bedroom house with a big yard and a collie, we fit to each other and understood each other. I couldn't ask for anything more than a healthy, adult relationship. There's too much drama within usual high school relationships, and we both hated it. We never had fights, or even heated arguments, just controlled debates about various topics. We would even make out a few times a week, but nothing over-heated, we were both waiting for marriage to take that step beyond making out.

He was eating his pizza as I was staring at him, loving the russet tone to his skin, his perfect buzzed head, and his plain white tee with khakis. His style didn't vary too much, but I didn't care, neither did mine. I usually wore comfortable jeans, not too tight, but not too loose, with a natural waist paired with a tee and a sweater combo. He wore Nike's and I wore Keds, and it was just us, perfect and I couldn't ask for anything more.

The bell rang and he walked me to my Biology class, kissing my cheek as we said our goodbyes.

When I walked in, I saw Mr. Banner motion to me to come talk to him. I made my way over to his desk and he said, "Bella, listen, your lab partner had to switch classes and this next semester requires a partner for every lab, so you will be paired with Mr. Cullen now, okay?"

Huh, I had to sit next to brooding Edward Cullen for six months, _well this sucks_. Never one to complain, however, I said, "Sure Mr. Banner, no problem." I smiled and made my way over to the table where Edward usually sat. It was empty, he was always late for class, so I took the liberty and took the window seat, hoping he didn't mind. I just hope he does his work and doesn't pond it off to me, I don't want to work that hard this next six months, since I have been working myself silly since I came to Forks three years ago.

My mother passed away three years ago and I was sent to live my estranged father, but it wasn't so bad, since we were more alike than I thought possible. He acted more like a roommate than anything, so it was cool. I was looking forward on letting go of my student activities for good, next year's editor for the newspaper will be taking my place, all I have to do is make sure she doesn't screw up too badly, PALS doesn't take too much of my time since our school is not very big and therefore less people to counsel. The mentoring program was only done the first semester, Book club usually doesn't meet second semester much, so all I had was French and Science club, which were a piece of cake. It was a meeting once a week for each after school for a half hour. We would discuss new topics in science or what's going in France and then leave. Sometimes we would watch a movie in French and laugh at that bad dubbing, or watch Bill Nye the Science Guy for nostalgia reasons. I had a field trip for both to plan, but that's the extent of it.

I was startled when I heard a huff, I must have been staring off into space again, and when I looked up I saw Edward with a scowl on his face.

"You're in my seat," he said and looked at the stool I occupied.

"I know, I have to sit with you for the remainder of the school year since my partner switched classes. Did you want the window seat?" I asked hoping he would let me have it.

"Yes," was all he said. I smiled kindly to him and slid to the aisle seat. He took his seat and proceeded to ignore me throughout the class, which I didn't mind at all. Edward had a reputation for being moody, he didn't like to talk to anyone nor did he care what you had to say. This was going to be a long six months in this class.

**A/N: Well? How was it? Please give it a shot. This is my first human story and I have an interesting angle, at least I hope it's an interesting angle.**

**Do you see this green button below this? Click it and make my day!**


	2. Chapter 2: Valentine's Day

**CRAZY\PERFECT**

**A/N: Ok, chapters are short in this story but I want to update every two days, so like 3 times a week, sometimes 2.... I don't own Twilight in case that wasn't clear...**

Ch. 2: Valentine's Day

I can't believe it already Valentines Day, and Jake has something really special planned. He says it's a surprise, even though he knows I hate surprises. I like to know when everything is happening, so I can be prepared. I don't know how to dress, or if I should tell my dad to extend my curfew to 11:00 from the normal 10:00. Should I have bought something nicer than socks and underwear I bought him, last week he mentioned that he kept losing socks and he never buys his own underwear, and since his mom passed too, I kind of took that responsibility. I did buy him a new Gap sweater as well since it screamed Jake, but what if he bought me jewelry or something, then I would feel like an ass.

I heard his Rabbit pull to my house and tried to keep myself still so he could knock on the door, talk to Charlie for a little, and then lead me to the damned surprise. I opted for a knee length skirt with a sweater set and some flats. I would be freezing, but I should look nice for Valentine's Day. My hair was slightly curled and I had the two front pieces in barrettes on each side, letting my side bangs fall naturally. I heard Jake knock and I answered the door. He was wearing tan slacks and a white button down with some dress shoes and I felt relieved that I opted for the skirt. He chatted with Charlie about baseball then took my hand and led me to his car. I never asked for a car since Jake got his license before me and liked to drive. Before that, I was happy to have Charlie drive me to school in the cruiser or walk the two miles to school when it wasn't rainy.

As soon as he slid in the driver's seat I interrogated him, "Where are we going? What are we doing? What did you get me?

He laughed, "Bella, calm down, it's surprise, so wait. I want this to be perfect."

I fidgeted in my seat and noticed we now on the highway on the to Port Angeles. He pulled in a small parking lot and I noticed the familiar restaurant. I smiled as I remembered our first date. He was so nervous, he spilled coke on himself, then he forgot his wallet and had his dad drive down to give it to him. It was mostly us sitting in uncomfortable silence, but that's how first date's go, I suppose.

He opened the car door and led us into the crowded French restaurant. We got a booth near the side of the restaurant and he immediately handed me my gift. I opened it wearily, since it was a small box, and my suspicions confirmed when it was a velvet box.

"Aw, Jake, please tell me you didn't buy me anything expensive?" I asked.

"Bella, this is our last Valentine's Day before you graduate and our two and half year anniversary, of course I got you jewelry. Just open it, you'll like it, I promise," he said as his eyes lit up. I opened the box slowly and saw a tiny diamond ring in the shape of a heart. I gasped and looked at it closely. It looked real and I saw an inscription in the band saying _Wolf boy and Clumsy girl Forever_. I smiled, relishing our nicknames to each other (he had a fascination with wolves and I was forever clumsy).

"It's beautiful Jake," I said through my tears that were building in my eyes.

"I knew you'd like it. It wasn't that much, so don't worry. I just wanted t give it to you as a sort of promise ring," he said shyly.

I smiled at him being nervous, like I would say no or something, "Of course, Jake, you have the promise of my heart. I love you."

"I love you too, Bells."

We ate our dinner in casual talk when I felt him freeze up. I looked at his and was surprised when I saw slight anger in his eyes. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"Why do _they_ have to be here?" He said, exasperated. I looked behind me and saw the Cullen's and Hale's sitting at a large booth. I wonder why they would all be together on Valentines Day? I then noticed Edward glaring at our table. I got chills by his death looks and turned back to Jake who was staring back at him. I knew Jake and Edward had problems with each other when they both took Mechanics last year. Apparently, the project car needed a lot and Jake wanted to scour the junkyards for parts, and then Edward bought all the parts. Jake thought of him as a jerk for showing him up, but I couldn't really see the problem, as long as they learned about cars, right?

"Jake, just forget it. It's our day, just us, okay?" I said hoping to calm him down. I started to rub soothing circles on his hand and he slowly put his attention back to me. I smiled at him when he met my eyes and he smiled back, anger now out of his eyes.

"Sorry, Bells, it's just that something about him makes me unnerved, but you're right, this is about us," he said while raising his ice tea for a toast. I clinked my own ice tea to his and took a sip. He seemed to forget about Edward as we finished our meal. I finally handed my present, hoping it wasn't dumb after he gave me a diamond ring.

"It's not a diamond, sorry," I said nervously.

He smiled, "I could be an empty box and I wouldn't care. You have given me everything I could ever want, you." I smiled as he started to open the bag, moving around the tissue for him to see the underwear and socks. "Thanks, you know I needed those. You're always taking care of me."

"No problem, but I also got you this," I said and handed him the wrapped box that contained the sweater. He tore off the paper and shoved it in the bag, and then opened the box and pulled out the sweater.

He had a huge grin on his face, "You know I actually looked at this sweater when I got your ring. Thanks, I love it!" He leaned over the table and pecked my lips. He went a little longer than usual and I pulled away, blushing.

"Jake, it's a public place, come on," I said while looking around to see if anybody was looking at us. It's not like I think PDA is gross, but I just feel uncomfortable if we do it.

After the waitress came with our bill, Jake paid and helped me out of my chair. I was a little nervous passing by Edward's table on the way out and when Jake tensed down the aisle towards them, I was squeezing his hand.

"Wow, Jake, nice sweater you got there, I hope Mr. Rogers won't be offended you raided his wardrobe," Edward snickered. Jake stopped and glared at Edward, while the rest of the table looked dismally bored at Edward's behaivor.

"Jake, honey, let's go, please," I pleaded to Jake, I didn't want anything to happen.

"You know what, Edward?" Jake said in a sharp tone, "I feel sorry for you, you go around being mean to everyone at school and who isn't in your little clique, which means you obviously have nothing better to do with your time. I, on the other hand, act like the mature adult that I am, and focus on something more than being the rebel without a cause. I'm with the girl I will marry someday and have a great and stable future ahead of me and you'll probably end up coked out on the streets." I blushed at his words, both out of embarrassment of being brash and about the marriage comment.

Edward scoffed, "Yeah, you have a great life there, Black. Sounds like life couldn't get even more boring and vanilla for you, and that's including your chick."

Jake released my hand and balled it in a fist, I have never seen him so angry, as he spit at Edward, "How dare you insult the most kind and generous person I have ever met, you piece of shit, if I-"

"Jake, please, let's just go, don't let him ruin our night. This is our night, Jake, you and me," I interrupted so he wouldn't try to get in a fight. He has never been in a fight and I don't thing he would fair to well against Edward, who looked like he got in a lot of fights.

"Bella, he called you vanilla, he can't get away with that," he argued to me.

I shrugged, "I could care less what a person that I don't even know thinks of me. He doesn't know me, why should I let his comment affect me? He is just trying to get a rise out of you, so just ignore him and be the adult in the situation."

He closed his eyes and shook his head, "You're right, Bells, let's go before this night can be ruined. As for you, Edward, have a nice evening being the fifth wheel." He took my hand and led me out of the restaurant without a second glance towards Edward.

When he got to his car he cupped my face in his hands and bent down to kiss me. He pressed his lips harder and then shoved his tongue down my throat. He was eager to deepen this kiss as hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me towards him. I kissed back and then pulled away, hoping our little public display hadn't offended anyone. I looked around the parking lot and saw no one looking. I happened to glance in the window of the restaurant and saw Edward staring directly at me. I felt by cheeks redden and slid into the Rabbit.

**A/N: Lemme know what you think. **

**This green foreign button below is actually a review button...you should press it..... **


	3. Chapter 3: Manic Monday

**A/N- I'm not Stephanie, 'nough said.**

Ch. 3

The weekend passed by and before I knew it, it was Monday and I was sitting in first period, having a manic Monday. I woke up late, fell flat on my face while running to the bathroom, the water heater broke so I took a cold shower that lasted 4 minutes and 25 seconds, then tumbled down the stairs, realized I didn't have time to make coffee, and tripped on the front lawn while running to Jake's car. I was thankful he had a granola bar with him, but that didn't make my crappy morning go away.

School rolled slowly on, and by the time lunch came, I was tired, hungry, and irritable. I just knew Jessica is going to drill me on what happened on Friday, Valentine's Day.

As soon as I sat down, "Bella, oh my god, he gave you a promise ring!" Her squealing echoed throughout the lunchroom and I buried my face in my hands, trying to hide my ever faithful blush.

"Jess, you're embarrassing her, let it be," Angela said softly, I always liked her better.

Jessica ignored her, "Bella, you can't just show up with a promise ring and not spill!"

I frowned in my hands then put on a smile when I looked at her, "He was really sweet, took me to the restaurant that we had our first date at, gave me the ring, and we ate."

Jess smiled, "Wow, you are so lucky to have a guy love you that much. I am so jealous. I had a date with…" She started to ramble on about her date, and I just hummed and nodded at the right times. She always had to show you up, make it seem she is better than you.

When Jake sat down, I felt relieved. We ate in comfortable silence and when the bell rang, he grabbed my hand as usual and led me to Biology. I never got tired of our little routines, they made me satisfied, always the same way and nothing different made me happy, it was our routine, which we will eventually do when we are married. I walked into class and saw Edward already sitting at his seat, so I took mine and ignored him as usual.

Mr. Banner sat up from his desk when the bell rang and said, "Happy Monday class, today we will do a lab. Your instructions are on the table, so if one person from you table can come up to get the microscope, you guys can start." I looked at Edward and he made no move to get the microscope, so I did. Once I came back to the table, I started reading the lab and it looked fairly simple. I grabbed a piece of paper and copied the questions in perfect cursive, then set to work on the lab, all the while ignoring Edward.

Once I got the first slide in, I wrote my answer down and moved to the next slide when a pale, white hand reached for the microscope.

"Do you mind if I check to see if you got the right answer? I don't want to fail," he said to me. I smiled and pushed the microscope to him. He put his eye to the lens and mumbled the answer I wrote down.

"Do you want to do the second one?" I asked politely. He didn't answer, he just took the slide and put it in the microscope. He told me the answer, but I wanted to make sure he was right.

"Do you mind if I check?" I asked, leaving out the part that I, too, didn't want to fail.

He shoved the microscope to me and I said a polite thank you. He had the right answer, so I wrote it down under the second question. I saw him smirk at me from the corner of my eye.

"Why do you always do that?" He suddenly asked.

"Do what?" I had no clue what he was talking about, and was surprised he is actually talking to me.

"Be all polite and shit," he said with his eyebrows raised.

I rolled my eyes at this ridiculous question, "Because it's the nice thing to do and I am polite."

"Yeah, but even at the restaurant, you didn't let anything affect you, why is that? It affected Jake very well," he said with a smirk.

I took a deep breath before answering, "I told the truth when I said I couldn't care less what you thought of me, you don't know me."

"I insulted you."

The corner of my mouth turned upwards, "You tried to insult me to get to Jake, but it didn't insult me."

He looked deep in thought and opened his mouth before snapping it shut and resuming the lab. I followed his lead and soon we were done, and it was only half way through the class. I pulled out my book and started to read, but I could feel his eyes on me.

"You read Miller," he said as a statement.

"You can read," I teased back. My eyes slightly bugged out of my head as I thought of the tone of my voice when I said that. _What was wrong with me?_ "Sorry," I mumbled.

He laughed, "You don't have to apologize for voicing your opinions, Isabella. I merely meant that you don't look like the kind of girl that reads Miller. You look like more of a babysitter's club girl to me."

I quirked an eyebrow at him "Again, you don't know me, and I read everything. While Miller's actions don't necessarily agree with my lifestyle, he is still a very brilliant writer."

"I know, I've read all his books. So 'this' isn't really an act is it?" He asked as he did air-quotes around 'this.'

"What is 'this' are you referring to?" I asked confused, repeating his air quotes.

"Your demeanor, the way you act. You never talk bad to anyone and always put on a smile, why?"

"Because I honestly feel that way, I'm nice to everyone because I want to be nice, same as being polite to everyone. It's not an act, it's just who I am," I said simply. I was just me, why couldn't wrap his head around it?

"I think it's an act, actually. Like before when you teased me and then said sorry. You spoke your mind, but obviously you don't do that a lot because you were embarrassed by it. Why don't you just speak your mind?"

I huffed in irratation, "Because, it's rude and I don't like being rude. Everybody has a right to speak how they would like, and this is how I like to speak."

"Whatever Swan," he said dismissively. The bell rang and he shot out of his seat and walked swiftly to do the door.

After school, Jake dropped me off at my house and I started on my homework before Charlie got in. I began to think about the conversation Edward had started this afternoon and was baffled by his behavior. Edward Cullen never talked to anyone, yet he was curious about me. He was honestly confused by my actions, like he couldn't believe anybody would actually be polite to anyone unless they had to. He was surprised by reading material and I was surprised back that he is a Miller fan. Most people our age don't know who Miller is, yet he had read all of his books. It confused me that he was very smart, yet acts the way he does. He baffles me, and I don't know why I really care.

The week passed by quickly and Edward Cullen resumed his usual demeanor, which was ignoring me. I simply didn't care anymore. Jake was the one who actually started to act different, like he started to kiss me more in public, which always caused me to turn red.

At lunch, I brought it up, "Jake is there something wrong, you aren't acting the same?"

He smiled and moved his chair closer to mine, pulling my legs up to rest on his. He said in my ear, "Is there something wrong to kiss the girl of my dreams?"

I smiled and looked around the lunchroom to see who was watching us, no one, it turns out. "You usually aren't one for public display is all."

He looked in my eyes and I saw them drift across the lunchroom, then the came back to me. He pecked my lips once, then pressed them down harder. He then pried open my mouth with his tongue and soon we were making out, in front of everyone. I pulled back, my face red, and buried my head in his shoulder.

"Jake, people are starting to watch," I said while my face is still in his shoulder. He didn't answer so I lifted my head to look at him, just now realizing the tight grip on my waist he has and that he glaring at the same spot as before. I looked in the direction his eyes are glued on and see none other than Edward Cullen glaring right back at him. I frowned and Edward's gaze left Jake's and went to mine, and I was soon in an intense stare down with him. He wasn't glaring at me, the look was different, but still had anger. His green eyes pore into mine and I couldn't look away if I wanted to. Fortunately or Unfortunately, Jake decided to stick his down in my mouth again, and I know knew why he was doing what he was doing this past week, it was because of Edward Cullen.

**A/N- Yay, got the next chapter up! The next one is due on Wednesday. You know what to do now....**


	4. Chapter 4: Rejection

**A/N: I own a mini Buddha collection and weird mugs. No Twilight.**

Ch. 4- Rejected

I never said anything to Jacob about that day, nor did Edward say anything to me in class. He actually didn't talk to me for the next week, which I wasn't sure how I felt. Jake stopped doing the PDA and a part of me missed it, which surprised me. We fell back in our old routine and life was content once more. This week was early acceptance letters week and I was on edge since Monday. I've been checking Facebook posts on college sites, seeing if anybody got a letter yet, no one has. It is now Wednesday and I am sitting at my kitchen table, my leg bouncing, as I wait for the mail. Wednesday is the middle of the week, a perfect day for the mail to give me college acceptance letters with full scholarships. I applied to Berkeley, Penn State, Columbia, Georgetown, and Yale. Georgetown was my fall back. I have been getting a straight 4.0 since freshman year, with volunteer work and charity under my belt. If I don't get into any of my top choices, this system is seriously screwed up.

I heard a car stop down a few houses and I literally almost peed myself. I shot myself off the chair and ran outside, and almost cried at seeing the mailman. He just put mail in the Parga's house ... next door at old lady Weston's house ... and now mine!

I ran to the mailbox and snatched the mail from the poor guys hand while mumbling a sorry. I ran, and tripped, back to the kitchen while sorting through the mail. I felt disappoint at no thick envelopes. I really thought today was the day. The phone rang and I pulled myself off the kitchen chair to answer.

"Hello," I said sadly.

"No letter's yet, huh?" Jake's voice said back to me. _No shit, Sherlock._

"No, not yet."

"They'll come soon, you'll see," he said in a cheery voice trying to cheer me up, it wasn't working.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," I said and hung up without letting him say goodbye. I don't think I can make it another day.

I decided to go through the mail and separate the bills from trash for Charlie when I saw five very distinct crisp, white envelopes staring back at me. All thin, all with fancy lettering in the corner, all from my colleges. _It could just be an acceptance, and the thick envelope will follow after accepting their offer. Or it could just be that they can't decide until April, when normal college letters come in._

I tore the Berkeley first and let one tear fall when I read 'I'm sorry.'

I tore Columbia next and four more tears fell.

Yale was next and sent me sobbing.

Penn State had left my heart broken, my first choice.

Georgetown made me feel like the most inferior human being alive. Not even accepted by my backup.

I sunk down on the floor, clutching my legs to my chest and cried more than I have since my mother passed. I felt like an idiot, like everything I have done for the past four years have done nothing for me. I have worked my ass off so hard, and for what? For rejection, plain old rejection. I cried for the disappointment my father will feel, the disappointment Jake will feel. I've let down everyone, every single person that has ever believed in me, I have let down. In a fit of rage I grabbed the letters and went to the backyard, and lit each one on fire. I then proceeded to stomp and jump on them, hoping they will get hurt. It was only vaguely clear that they were paper, my emotions just didn't care. How could this happen? How can I not be in one college I applied for, even after all that work? What the hell is wrong with me?

I went to my room and didn't come out till the next Monday. Well, I came out, but only to eat a little and do my business in the bathroom. Charlie left me alone, thank god, but Jake seriously called every hour to see if I needed anything. I never answered, but Charlie told him I was sick and had everything I needed. I didn't have everything I needed; I needed to be in a college right now, happy that I was accepted to a good college. But I wasn't accepted, wasn't wanted.

Monday came and I finally dragged myself out of bed, asking Charlie for a ride. He obliged, but looked weary at me since I probably looked like shit still. I dressed in loose jeans with a wife beater and a black hoodie. I actually didn't believe I owned a wife beater, but alas, I did. I threw on the red chucks Angela bought me for my 18th birthday last September, I seriously didn't want to dress like the normal me. My hair wasn't curled or in barrettes, I actually dried it straight and let my side bangs go straight down my forehead as well, I didn't want people to see me.

Charlie dropped me off and I knew I should have came early or late, too many people are going to ask me what's wrong. I saw Angela first and she smiled sadly at me, "I heard you were sick, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said while walking to my class, fortunately, it was the opposite of hers.

Class dragged by and the teachers let me be, even though I was clearly not myself. They will probably rack it up as female problems. Fourth period I was called in the principle's office. _What now?_

"Take a seat Ms. Swan," principle Brown said as I opened his door. He continued once I sat down, "I have received news that you didn't get into any colleges you applied for." I shook my head. "I'm sorry, you are a very bright girl and I hope you continue applying for colleges, you'll find one that meets your expectations, I promise, it will all work out in the end."

Anger shot through me, how dare he speak to me like this wasn't the hugest blow in my academic career, what kind of right does he have anyway. "You know, Mr. Brown, you don't know it will work out in the end and maybe it's this shitty school nobody has heard that didn't get me in. Maybe because we don't have AP courses or even honors! My life is ruined, my back up college didn't even accept me!" I stormed out of the room and saw lunch was over, so I headed to Biology, hoping a movie was in store for me today.

I walked to my seat, and in a moment of instant gratification, I stole Edward's seat. I wanted the window seat and he will just have to deal, he's already moody, so no harm done. I was staring out the window thinking of absolutely nothing when his voice interrupted me, "You're in my seat."

Without glancing at him I said, "There's an empty one right in front of you." I could care less what he thinks of my not so polite attitude.

"But that's your seat, and I want mine. I thought we made this clear the first day of the semester?" He said, his anger rising.

I finally turned to him and looked him straight in the eye, "Too bad, I want this seat, so go fuck your self Cullen." His eyes widened and he sat, shocked by my words. It actually felt good letting that out.

The class started and of course fate was against me, lab today. He didn't get up to get the microscope, and I sure as hell wasn't going to.

"Are you going to get the fucking microscope like a fucking gentlemen or not?" I said while shooting daggers at him. I had no clue what has come over me, but I could care less. He got out of the seat and came back with the microscope, still not saying anything. I didn't say anything to him while we did our lab, and I think he was kind of scared to talk to me, so he didn't say anything either.

I walked home, not seeing Jake today, and it felt good. I didn't want to explain anything to him, I couldn't handle more disappointment. My life was always going one way, I made sure I was a good kid who did the right thing so karma would never bite me in the ass. I never drank, never did drugs, and never had sex. For heaven's sake, I haven't been pass first base yet. Well, there was this time Jake's hand slipped from shoulder to my boob, but he was falling, so it didn't really count. I always obeyed my father, did my homework, study for tests (even when I didn't have too), and never broke curfew. I have never snuck out or snuck a boy in, even though it would be easy since there was a perfect tree to climb right outside my window. I was always polite and courteous, and the funny thing is, I always wanted to be that way. I wasn't dying to do anything illegal, or be bitchy, I liked being nice, even though I was a doormat sometimes. I was curious to see what a keg was all about, or an orgasm, but never enough to do anything. Maybe it's time for a change.

**A/N..... give me some lovin.......**


	5. Chapter 5: A feeling like no other

**A/N: Next chapter. I don't own shit.**

Ch. 5

It was 7 at night when I heard knocking at the door. Charlie was doing the night shift, so I had to drag myself away from the TV to answer it. I opened the door and saw Jake, looking pissed and sad at the same time.

"Where have you been all day? I know you went to school."

"I had a meeting with the principle during lunch and I wanted to walk home, is it that big of a deal?" I said irritated. I did feel bad treating Jake like this, but I couldn't help it anymore. I knew my resolve was slipping, something inside of me was bending until I snap. I didn't have the enough energy anymore to care.

"Jeez, Bells, what's wrong with you?" He said, looking concerned.

More bending. I felt anger surge through me, a feeling I normally don't have. "Why does it have to be that there's something wrong with me?" I said through my teeth.

"Because you are not acting like the Bella I know!" He said defensively.

"Maybe you don't know me at all! It's not like you don't have off days Jake, like the week your tongue was permanently down my throat!" I snapped, feeling the bending more.

"I'm sorry, it was just …just…" he stuttered with his words and I lost it, more bending. If he doesn't have an excuse, why should I have to explain mine? I smiled, remembering he does have an excuse.

"Oh, that's right, it was because of Edward Cullen, right?"

He looked shocked, "No, what are you talking about? And even so, who cares? The way he has been looking at you lately is ridiculous! It's like he wants to eat you or something, it's disgusting!"

Snap.

Hot fury coursed through my veins. I didn't comprehend why that particular statement made me snap, but it did. "Who cares, Jake! Look, I don't want to fight, and right now, I don't want to makeup either. Leave," I said, venom coating my words. I have never said anything with so much hate, and it's not like I hate Jake, I just don't want my old life right now, him included.

"What are you saying, Bells?" He asked.

"I'm saying you should leave, for good, Jake. Goodbye." I slammed the door in his face and stomped up the stairs to my room. Hot tears were streaming down my face at this point, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I screamed out in frustration, my body shaking from the fight, no, the end of Jake and me. I loved Jake, but my heart didn't want that life with him anymore, want him anymore. The back of my brain was telling me that I am being unreasonable and Jake wasn't really in the wrong. Who cares if he was jealous?

I stopped pacing my room, he was jealous, Jake was jealous of another guy's affection to me. Somebody has affections for me, or something along those lines, anyways. That guy just happened to be Edward Cullen, resident bad boy. I rushed to my bookcase and pulled out last year's yearbook, flipping the pages until I found the junior section, A-F. I saw his picture immediately. He stood out from the rest, looked more of a man than a boy. He was wearing a white button down with a skinny tie, the most dressed up I have ever seen him, no doubt for his parents.

His face was hard, and frustrating symmetrical. He had a strong jaw line, with pouty, kissable lips. I blanched, _kissable? What has gotten into me?_ I continued looking at the picture. He was handsome, so not handsome, gorgeous. I knew most girls threw themselves at him, but he always refused, and not politely either. I remember Jessica crying to me after school because Edward Cullen called her disgusting and an ugly, frizzy haired slut for propositioning him for sex. Jessica was a little slutty, but that was harsh, even for him. He was tall, and didn't have the muscles that his cousin had, but was fit, you could tell when he wore those tight T-shirts. His hair always was a messy disarray of bronze sex hair, and his eyes an unearthly green.

Thinking about Edward Cullen, something started to grow in feeling. I felt a tingle down there for him. It's not like I don't have hormones, I know what the feeling is and have had it before, but this was more intense, way more intense. I walked to the door and locked it, about to do something I never thought I would do. It wasn't wrong by any means, but masturbation never appealed to me. Maybe the feeling wasn't strong enough, but it was now. I laid down on my bed and unbuttoned my top, opening it and leaving it there. I slid out of my pants and they dropped to the side of my bed, leaving me in a bra, open T-shirt, and my underwear. Gathering enough courage I started to knead by breast with my left hand, focusing on the new feeling it was giving me. My hand slid under the fabric of the bra and focused itself on my nipple, pinching and rubbing it so the feeling down there intensified. Pictures of Edward Cullen was flashing in my mind, and my right hand made its way in my panties, sliding between my lips. I felt the moisture down there and on instinct started to spread it around, focusing on my clit. The sensations going through me was on fire now, as I imagined Edward Cullen's hand instead of my own. My fingers started to go faster around my clit, and the hand on my breast mimicked the same actions. Soon, a bubbling feeling was in pelvis, and I wanted nothing more than to see where it would lead. Moving my fingers faster and harder, the bubble seemed to surface, and exploded around my body. My toes curled, my mind stilled, and a flow of juices seeped in my hand.

Laying on my bed panting, I couldn't help but think that was the singular most intense moment of my life and I wanted to do it again, soon. I felt like I had more confidence now, my body felt different. I stood up and went to the mirror, and I could have sworn I was glowing. I understood the reason on having sex before marriage, it was too great to actually wait till marriage.

I decided on a shower after that, wanting to wash away the sweat of the night. As I stood in the shower, I looked down at the patch of hair between my legs, razor in hand. I knew it was normal and more popular to shave or wax down there, but since I never did anything down there, I never had a reason to shave. My mind was set now, however, I wanted the hair gone. Just another piece of my life gone.

The next morning, Charlie took me to school and I decided to ask him about a car.

"Hey Dad, I was wondering if I can ask you something?" I said sweetly.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Do you think that maybe you could get me a car? I hate depending on people right now," I said.

He looked at me before turning his gaze back to the road. After a moment he said, "You sure about that? I know some guy who is selling his truck for really cheap down at the garage I go to, if you want it."

I smiled and nodded excitedly, "Yes, please dad!"

"Alright, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"I know you liked him and everything, but things in my life are changing, and well, Jake and me broke up," I said, casting a glance at him.

"Oh, well…um…sorry about that kiddo," he said not pushing it any further.

He dropped me off and I practically skipped to my locker, he was getting me a car! It felt weird being shaven down there, more sensitive, but I could definitely get used to it.

I noticed people starting to stare at me and then I remembered what I was wearing, the skinny jeans Jessica made me buy last year were tight and low rise, and a wrap around sweater that I usually wear it loosely wrapped, but decided to make it as tight as it could go. I was still wearing my red chucks and didn't even do my hair, just washed and brushed. My makeup was a bit more daring, but I felt like a new woman after last night, as cheesy as that sounds. My body was reacting more towards the opposite sex, and it has only been 15 minutes in the school.

The day passed by quickly, with many looks, but nobody approached me. Lunch approached, and my nerves stood on end, not knowing where to sit. The people I sat with were Jake friends first, so I felt that I might intrude if I sit with them. I walked in the lunchroom and sure enough, Jake was glaring at me, as was Jessica. She might be glaring at me for a different reason, probably because Mike looked overly happy to see me now that I was single. Angela just gave me an apologetic smile, which I returned. I grabbed an apple and lemonade, and sat in an empty table in the corner of the lunchroom. People were openly staring at me now, probably wondering what my deal was.

I sat at the table, facing the lunchroom, shooting people daggers for staring. They all looked away embarrassed and I chuckled. I stole a glance at Edward's table and sure enough he was staring at me, not at all attempting to hide his rudeness. I decided to stare at him back, willing him to look away and leave me be, but he didn't, he just quirked an eyebrow up at my stare down.

"Hey, Bella, what's up?" Said a voice that broke me out of the stare. I looked up and saw Tyler Crowley speaking to me, which he didn't do much.

"Nothing much, Tyler, you?" I asked, keeping my voice indifferent. My eyes traveled to my old table and Jake was looking at me, all kinds of pissed.

"Heard you broke it off with Black, just wanted to congratulate you. You are way too pretty for him. Do you want to come sit at my table?" He asked hopefully.

Deciding to ignore his comment about my looks I said, "No thanks, Tyler, I actually just wanted to read."

His face fell and said, "Well, the invitation is open any time, see you later." He walked away towards his table and I noticed Lauren giving me the hairy eyeball. I saw Tyler talk to his friend's as he sat down and some gave him sympathetic pats, other's openly laughed. James was staring at me and blew me an air kiss and then licked his lips, which I found disgusting. I never thought that by dating Jake, he was saving me from the perverted pigs that went to the school. I gave James a disgusted look and opened my new book, _The Savage Detectives_ by Roberto Bolano. The rest of lunch went by without incident, but I could feel multiple people staring at me, including a particular person to my left, which gave me that feeling from last night.

**A/N: As James Blunt would say "And give me some love, ... Yeah, give me some love, ... Come on, give me some love today."**


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